Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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