Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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