One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
