Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
someone threw a dead crab at me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You pole danced in your parka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
