the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
