HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
