there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
