sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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