your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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