I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
