i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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