First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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