Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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