Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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