I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
