Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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