Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have fence marks all over my body
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
