Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We have started to decorate penises.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize