every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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