"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
