He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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