How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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