We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Boobs speak an international language.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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