i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
