Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
