Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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