I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
