Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
