lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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