it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
