Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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