Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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