Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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