how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize