The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
