I got chris browned last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
