Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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