I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
