he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
