I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
