hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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