Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize