Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize