You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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