Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
