She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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