nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i've created a new STD.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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