I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
