Someone shit on the floor
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
