I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
