its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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