I'm going to jail i love you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
