I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize