Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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