How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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