why didn't you poke me back
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
