Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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