You're so nebulous sometimes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize