You made me cry and you don't even care
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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