Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's rum buckets o'clock
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
