the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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