I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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