I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
