I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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