Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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