Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
