2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
