..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
