no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
