Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
