you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
