So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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